I never meant to cheat on my wife. It wasn't the plan. I doubt very much anyone would see it that way though, knowing the full story. I made it happen. I don't deny that. It wasn't a drunken one-night stand (although there was alcohol involved) or a foolish mistake. It took months of work and required me to use and abuse every tool available to me. I never seriously thought it'd end with me cheating on my wife though. I just wanted to be close to Julie.
It started in earnest the moment I laid my eyes on her. Each year we bring in a large batch of new hires, and on their first day they're given a tour of the building. Since we pay well and hire 18 and over, no degree required, we tend to get a lot of employees in their late teens and early twenties. The guys who work here always pay a lot of attention during the tours, curious to see the new girls.
I stood up as I heard the group round the corner to my side of the building. My eyes were immediately drawn to a pretty girl in the middle of the group. She was short, with shoulder-length sandy blonde hair, pale skin, freckles, full lips and a very cute, round face. She wore jeans and a t-shirt (our dress code is nonexistent), which showed off a nice figure and several tattoos. She was stunning, and as I stared I felt something almost familiar about her I couldn't place.
"Hey Robert." I said, getting one of my employee's attention. "You recognize anyone from the new group?" Robert stood up from his desk and looked them over. We get a lot of rehires, so a lot of familiar faces show back up.
"Hmm..." He said, staring intently. "I don't think so."
"Yea, me neither." I said. Before I'd realized it I left my desk and headed over to the group, with no clear motive besides getting a better look at her. I walked right by her, headed down a hallway, put on a "I just realized I've forgotten something" act and headed back to my desk.
The last time I'd had a response that strong to seeing a woman was the first time I'd seen my wife Debbie. She too had been a new employee at our company four years prior, and the first time I walked by her desk I did a cartoonish double-take, perhaps seeing in her both a beautiful woman and a kindred spirit. It felt like I had been sucker-punched, and to this day I can recall exactly what she looked like in that moment. I don't know that it was love at first site, but it was a defining moment in my life.
At the time I was taken, having been with my previous girlfriend Alexis for five years. She was beautiful, funny and outgoing. She was also a compulsive liar and a cheater. I had put up with her bullshit for years because I thought she was the one, but within two months of meeting Debbie and being reminded what was out there, I'd left her. Less than a month later Debbie and I were officially a couple. A year later we were married.
Eventually, as it always does, the bliss we felt early in our relationship began to fade. My wife suffers greatly with depression, and the passion she displayed in our first year together seemed a distant memory going into our fourth. If I were to be honest with myself I believe it was her sadness that drew me to her as much as anything else. I saw a damaged young girl and I wanted to swoop in and save her. Life isn't a fairy tale though, and there isn't a happily ever after. Love is work.
I love my wife, but I don't think she's my soul mate. I don't believe in soul mates. The world is too large a place, and there are far too many women in it, for me to believe that there is just one woman out there for me. I do think though that there are people out there that you just click with, and that's how it is with my wife. We click. We have our good days and we have our bad days, but we click. I love her, and although it's possible I could be happier with someone else, I know I could be a lot more miserable too. She loves me and would never be unfaithful to me. I have no desire to leave her.
Seeing Julie reminded me so much of the feeling I had the first time I'd seen my wife, which would turn out to be appropriate.
For the next few months I saw Julie rarely, and most days not at all. We worked in separate departments in separate parts of the building. As a manager I'm responsible for my team of fifteen people, and I didn't have many reasons to interact with employees outside of my team and department.
I did take advantage of the ones I did have though. The first time I talked to her was two months after she'd started. I was assigned the task of implementing a new procedure for employees across our building. My boss wanted me to run my plan by a large number of employees to make sure they understood it before we pushed the process site-wide. I, of course, went straight to Julie with it.
Julie, being new, didn't really understand process or how it would apply to her. Truthfully it wouldn't, not for awhile, but there was a benefit in seeing if it was simple enough that new employees could understand it. Mainly though I just wanted to talk to her. I had her read it over then spent about ten minutes talking with her about it. I have no memory of what she said, or what I said. Mainly what I remember is how blue her eyes were.
It was several months more before my next interaction with her. Julie had been performing well and had gained a reputation as a hard worker. I had been placed in charge of a new team and was looking to recruit from several other departments that were now overstaffed. My mind immediately went to Julie, but I needed to go through the proper channels so it wouldn't raise any flags. I reached out to her manager and asked for recommendations. He mentioned six people, one of whom was Julie.
I sent her a message asking her if she could come speak to me. I frequently keep my wedding band in my pocket, since it has never fit right. I was suddenly aware of the fact that it wasn't on my hand, and made the conscious decision not to take it out. She came by, looking beautiful as ever, but the first thing I noticed was her employee badge hanging from a Flight of the Conchords lanyard.
"Hey Julie. Take a seat. " I said, gesturing to the chair next to me. I had talked to her the one time before, but it had been brief and months earlier. I doubted very much she had been waiting for an opportunity to speak with me again as I had been with her, so I reintroduced myself. "I'm Joel." I said, extending my hand.
"Hi." She said warmly, shaking my hand. Her hand was soft in mine, and I held it maybe a second longer than was normal. She didn't seem to notice. "We've actually met once before I think."
"Oh yeah?" I asked, aiming for nonchalance. "That's right. Didn't you help with the standardization process?"
"I don't know if I helped. " She laughed.
"Sure you did." I said, smiling. "I love the lanyard by the way."
"Thanks!" She said, grabbing it and looking down at it. "I found it on Amazon. Love that show."
"Same here. So few people seem to know about it."
"I know. I've introduced it to so many of my friends." She said.
In a normal conversation this is where I'd say that I introduced it to my wife, and she loved it, but I didn't bring her up. It wasn't that I wanted to hide that I was married. That would be impossible anyway, as my wedding had been attended by about thirty coworkers. It wasn't a secret. I just didn't see the need to bring reality crashing in as I talked with her.
"Yea, same here." I said instead. "So good."
We talked a bit more about the show, then shifted gears to what the new position would be. I was worried she might be a bit intimidated by the workload but she didn't hesitate.
"I'd love to come over." She said.
"That's great!" I exclaimed. "I'd love to have ya. Training starts this Monday. Any issues?" I asked.
"No, just thank you. I'm really excited." She said.
"Of course. By the way, do you have any of the Flight of the Conchords albums?" I asked, once again shifting the conversation away from work.
"No, I've been meaning to get them though. I love the songs from the show." She said.
"They're really good. I've got a couple of them. I'll bring you copies." I said.
"That'd be great!" She said, beaming.
"Cool, I'll bring them next week." We shook hands. She thanked me again for the opportunity and then left my desk.
"Fuuuuuuuuuuck." I whispered to myself, watching her go.
"What ya doing?" My wife asked.
"Just burning some CDs for a coworker." I said. "Flight of the Conchords."
"Oh nice." Debbie said. "Who're they for?"
"One of the new guys on my team. He's a big fan." I said, swapping the pronoun. "Has a Conchords lanyard and everything."
"Well that's nice of you." She said, hugging me from behind.
"What can I say? I'm a nice guy." I said, smiling up at her.
Over the next two months I got to know Julie a lot better. I gave her the same schedule as me, so we had a lot of time where we were working together. I came to know her as a very nice, sweet girl. She was quiet, but had a great sense of humor and was well-liked by her peers. I had weekly meetings with each of my team members, but these would occasionally get moved or canceled depending on how busy we were. I never canceled hers.
During our first weekly meeting I learned the upsetting news that she had a boyfriend. This shouldn't have upset me, being as I'm far from available myself, but it did. She told me this as she explained they were looking for a new apartment, but money was tight since he only worked part-time. It didn't help that he only wanted to move places they couldn't afford.
"He's going to college for chemical engineering, so I told him if we get married he'll have to support me for a change. Then I'll be the one who doesn't have to work." She joked. Marriage? I tried my best to hide how unhappy those words made me.
"My wife is thinking of going to school for nursing." I blurted, introducing my wife into the conversation and striking back in a game only I was playing.
Although we had mentioned our significant others, they rarely came up during our talks. Whereas with other employees I would talk mostly business in our meetings, Julie and I would spend almost all our time joking and discussing personal matters . It helped that she was a good employee, so I rarely ever had to talk to her about her performance.
We had a lot in common. We were both quiet introverts. We liked the same music and watched the same TV shows and movies. There were some more specific coincidences too. We both went to the same high school. We both had cats from before our current relationships, and both her boyfriend and my wife were allergic to them. We were both failed vegetarians. I took these as signs that we were meant for each other, rather than the coincidences they were.
We began introducing each other to new things. I told her about Rick and Morty, which she ended up loving, and she got me into Arrested Development. I loaned her several movies which she always quickly watched and returned. The biggest surprise for me was our similar taste in books. We were both huge fans of Neil Gaiman and Stephen King, and she ended up recommending several books to me that I ended up loving. So many people have shit taste in books, and the fact that she recommended ones to me I liked meant way more to me than it should.
During our meetings she would tell me her problems too. In addition to money issues she'd been struggling with a stomach illness since she was a kid. Her cat was having some health issues as well, and the vet bills were not making things easier. I would check in with her occasionally for updates on these things, and if she was ever having a bad day I'd send her funny or cute animated gifs to try to cheer her up. She had quite a few bad days.
Money was so tight she sometimes couldn't afford lunch. Once I bought lunch for the whole team because I knew she was hungry and I didn't want it to be obvious I was buying her food. On another occasion she joked that she wanted ice cream so I bought blizzards for the team.
"Aww, Joel. You didn't have to do that." She said sweetly beaming.
"You said you wanted ice cream." I shrugged.
Later I would repeat the phrase "Aww, Joel" over and over again my head, picturing the cute way she said it, a smile sneaking up on me each time.
There was an undeniable sadness to Julie that made me want to help her and protect her. I wasn't trying to be thoughtful or trying to get in her good graces by doing nice things. She was just all I thought about, so it all came natural. At night I'd go home to my wife, but I'd be thinking about Julie. I would fantasize about telling her how I felt and offering to take care of her so she didn't need to stress about money anymore. When having sex with my wife I would picture myself instead deep inside Julie, and it'd be her name I'd mouth to myself as I'd cum.
I found her Facebook, Twitter and Instagram. I didn't add her on any of them, but I saved all the pictures I could see without being her friend. They weren't sexy but adorable, and I loved them all (Even the ones with her boyfriend. I just cropped him out.).
From her Facebook I learned she was 21; eight years younger than me and four years younger than my wife. The same age my wife had been when I'd met her, and I'd gotten a lot of shit for how much younger Debbie was than me. Julie was definitely too young for me, but that didn't matter. This was just a crush. She had her boyfriend and I had my wife. Nothing more would come of it.
A position opened up within my company and it was heavily hinted I should apply. It would be a promotion with a significant pay raise, but I found myself weighing the pros and cons of taking the job not on the merits of the position, but instead on how it would affect my "relationship" with Julie.
This helped to open my eyes to how obsessed I'd been. I knew Julie liked me as a person, but I was also her boss. She had to talk to me. Was she humoring me, or maybe sucking up to me because she thought it'd benefit her? Did she know how I felt about her, and if so did it creep her out? I tried to hide my favoritism, but what if some of the other employees had noticed my feelings? I had gotten in too deep. It wasn't healthy, it wasn't normal and it wasn't fair to my wife or my employees. Taking the position would mean not seeing her as much and I wouldn't have a reason to talk to her, but turning it down would hinder my career and keep me in the thankless role of seeing this girl every day that I had started convincing myself I was falling in love with. No good could come of continuing this way. I applied for the role.
After three interviews and a grueling week-long waiting period, I was told I got the promotion. I spent a week training my replacement Jennifer, then left my team and Julie to continue the next step in my career.
Not seeing Julie as much was a good thing. I was able to focus more on work without constantly wondering what she was up to or trying to message her. I saw her occasionally in the break room, and when I did I'd ask her about her cat or her health issues and we'd have a nice talk, but the conversations were always natural and brief. I stopped looking at her pictures at night or thinking about her during sex. Those behaviors were creepy. I was glad to leave them behind.
After four weeks in the position I was approached by my old boss asking for a favor. There was a conference in Seattle coming up and they needed some representation from my old team. Unfortunately Jennifer would be out of town that week, so he was hoping I could go in her place and bring a few of the team members with me. I jumped at the chance, my mind immediately turning to Julie.
I spoke with Jennifer and asked her who she'd like to send. She told me the names of a few people she definitely didn't want to (which I wholeheartedly agreed with), but said otherwise she'd leave it up to me to decide.
I picked three employees: Julie, Cecilia and Gerald. Julie is very good at her job, and she should have been on the trip regardless of my feelings for her. Cecilia and Gerald are also good, but I picked them for very specific reasons. Cecilia is twenty years old, and therefore couldn't drink. Gerald is thirty-two and Mormon. If we found ourselves out drinking, as I had on literally every business trip I'd ever taken, those two wouldn't be sticking around.
As I laid in bed with my wife, she reiterated for the hundredth time how unhappy she was that I was going out of town. She always hated my business trips.
"How long are you going to be gone?" She asked.
"Just two nights." I told her, again.
"I hate sleeping without you." She pouted.
"I hate sleeping without you too." I told her honestly. For the last nine years I'd been single for just a month. It felt weird sleeping alone.
"At least you'll be having fun with your work friends. I'll be stuck here alone." She said.
"We'll be too busy to have too much fun, and at least you won't have to worry about my snoring." I said. She had been complaining about the noise pretty much every morning for the last week. I felt bad, but there wasn't much I could do about it.
"Yea, that'll be nice at least. I just have a hard time sleeping when your gone." She said, putting her hand on my stomach.
"I know what'd help you get to sleep." I reached into the cabinet by the bed and pulled out the vibrator I'd gotten her last week.
"You know I only use those with you!" She said, slapping me playfully.
"Suuuuuure you do." I said. I actually almost believed her. I've tried to get her to touch herself for me, but she has steadfastly refused. We've tried anal, sex toys, porn and role play, but I've never gotten to see her pleasure herself for me.
"You know, now that you've got it out..." She said, smiling coyly.
"Alright." I said, with mock reluctance. I grabbed the lube from the cabinet and got both her and the dildo ready.
I made Debbie cum twice with the vibrator. Watching her orgasm is one of my favorite things. She has beautiful pale skin and beautiful breasts, and I just love watching her moaning face framed between her tits while I'm between her legs.
The sex was fine. I made her cum a third time, and her orgasm was very intense. When she was done I kept up my strokes for several minutes, but she was clearly spent. When she gets like that she stops enjoying sex and just lays there, patiently waiting for me to finish. Since she's not an active participant, and she's clearly not enjoying it, it takes the fun right out of it for me. Soon I crawled off her and started cleaning myself off.
"Not going to finish?" She asked me.
"Not tonight." I told her, although my cock was still hard as a rock. It's hard to get off when you know your partner would rather be doing anything else at that point. At least for me it is.
"Did you enjoy it at least?" She asked me.
"Of course." I told her truthfully, throwing her the towel. I'd rather cum. It was a frustrating experience, as so many of our love-making sessions were, but she was beautiful and soft and was passionate until she wasn't, and I still enjoyed myself. "Did you?"
"What do you think?" She asked, looking sweaty, satisfied and exhausted.
After work on Thursday Gerald, Cecilia and Julie met me in the parking lot of our office.
"Shotgun!" Said Cecilia, carrying her bags to the trunk of my van.
You fucking bitch, I thought to myself.
"No fair." Joked Julie, taking it better than I had.
We got everyone's luggage in and headed for Seattle. Cecilia sat up front with me while Gerald and Julie sat in the seat behind us.
Cecilia was gorgeous. She was of Mexican descent, with beautiful bronze skin, long dark hair and an incredibly petite body. She was a fun girl too, and as her manager I had enjoyed talking with her quite a bit. Objectively she was prettier than Julie, but I didn't find her anywhere near as attractive. In fact there were several girls I worked with who were, objectively, prettier than Julie.
Julie had lovely fair skin, but she frequently suffered from minor acne. She had a nice body and was thin, but no one would describe her as fit. She had several tattoos across her back, arms and on her foot which, while tastefully done, served to distract from her beauty rather than enhance it. While I had noticed these things, they had in no way diminished Julie's beauty to me. If anything, her imperfections had enhanced it. I liked her acne, her body and her tattoos. I liked them because they belonged to her, and whatever it was about her that drew me in was all-encompassing. I actually hoped that others would not be attracted to her the same way I was; that they would be turned off by her shyness or these minor imperfections. I hoped that I was the only one who saw how truly beautiful she was, but I very much doubted that was the case.
The six hour drive went well, or as well as 6 hours in a van with your coworkers can go. We spent most of the time joking and listening to music. During one conversation Julie mentioned that she was an artist, and several of her paintings had won awards when she was in high school. This astonished me. I'd been talking to Julie for months, obsessing over her and trying to learn as much as I could about her. Yet in all that time I had never learned that she was a skilled artist, or how big of a role in her life that played.
How much did I really know about her? Had I tricked myself into thinking we had a connection and had become friends over the last few months, when really the only thing binding us was my obsession and watching the same TV shows?
We got to our hotel around midnight. The company had put us up in pretty nice rooms, but only two of them were able to be next to each other. I distributed the key cards and made sure I had the room right next to Julie's. I didn't think anything would happen between us, and I wasn't actively trying to make it happen. As with most of the decisions I'd made so far, I made this choice because I wanted to be as close to her as possible.
It had been a long drive, and the conference started at 8am the next day. We all went to our rooms to get some sleep while we could.
"Goodnight Joel." Julie said, smiling to me as she entered the room next to mine.
"Goodnight Julie." I said, returning her smile.
I awoke around 2 AM to the sounds of muffled arguing coming from the next room. There was a door that connected our two rooms, and while I couldn't hear what was being said on the other side of it, I could clearly understand the sentiment. Julie's was the only voice I could hear, so I assumed she was on her phone.
I laid there in the dark, listening to Julie fight with who had to be her boyfriend. After a minute the yelling stopped and quickly turned to quiet sobs. I turned on my phone and went to text Julie.
I'd had her number for several months, which I'd gotten from HR when I'd had to call her in to work a few times on her days off. There had been many times after hours I saw a funny picture or a video I knew she'd love, but I'd held off on texting her anything personal and instead would show her at work the next day. Debbie had asked for my number before we started dating, when I was still with Alexis, my ex, and the texts we'd exchanged had helped push me to break up with Alexis shortly after. That hadn't been a mistake, but I was married now. I was undoubtedly obsessed with Julie and had manipulated events to get as close to her as possible. I wasn't trying to cheat on my wife though. Texting her after hours would have been inappropriate.
Listening to her crying changed my mind. The anger and hurt in her voice had initially given me some perverse satisfaction, as it reinforced my belief that I'd be a better match for her than her douchey boyfriend. The crying upset me though. I didn't want her to be hurting.
I typed out the message 'Are you okay?' and hit send. I waited to see if I'd hear a beep on the other side of the door, but it was apparently more sound-proof than that. The crying got considerably quieter.
My phone beeped. 'omg, im so sorry. Did I wake you?'
'No, I was awake.' I lied. 'Are you alright? Do you want to talk?' My heart was beating quickly as I pressed the send button.
The pause before the next message was several minutes, and most the time my phone displayed 'Julie is Typing' at the bottom of the window. I expected a long message, but when it finally came through it said only, 'Thats okay. Thank you though (:'.
What had she been typing for so long? Had she considered it, or had she typed out a much longer message and deleted it?
'Alright, well if you change your mind I'm here. I don't know what's going on, but I'm sorry you're having a rough night. You deserve to be treated well. You deserve to be happy. Have a goodnight Julie. I'll see you tomorrow.' I stared at the message on my screen for too long, debating whether or not I should send it. It was late though, my wife was away and a woman I had feelings for was bawling fifteen feet and one wall away from me. I hit send.
The next message came much faster. 'thank you. that really does means a lot to me. goodnight Joel (: sweet dreams.' I read the message several times, smiling.
"Sweet dreams Julie." I whispered to myself and put my phone back on the nightstand.
Morning came fast and I was far from rested. I tried to look my best though, both for the conference and for Julie. It seemed no decision I'd made over the last several months, no matter how minor, had been made without thinking of her. That included my decision to wake up early so I could shave. Moving to the new position and further from her had been the best thing for my sanity. What was I doing here now, one room away from her?
I could hear Julie rustling around getting ready still. I wanted to head to the lobby for breakfast but waited instead until I heard her door open, then opened mine as well.
"Good morning." She said, smiling through the evident exhaustion. Even tired she looked beautiful.
"Morning." I said, returning her smile. "Heading to breakfast?"
"Yep." She said. "You?"
"That's the plan." We made our way to the elevator.
"You heard from Gerald or Cecilia?" She asked.
"Not yet, but we weren't planning to leave for the conference for another thirty minutes." I told her.
"Okay, great." She said. I reached past her to hit the 'L' button. As the doors closed she turned to me.
"I'm really sorry about last night." She said, looking troubled.
"Don't be. You really didn't wake me. I'm just sorry you had a rough night." I said sympathetically.
"Yea, well, that's my boyfriend for you. He always knows just what to say."
"How long have you two been together?" I asked her.
"Just over a year." She said. "Seems we're fighting much more lately though."
The elevator door opened.
"He just gets so jealous sometimes." She said.
"Jealous?" I asked her, suddenly very interested.
"Hey guys!" Gerald said, walking up to us with his coffee. "Cecilia and I have a table if you want to join us."
The rest of the day went well. We attended the conference and I got the chance to meet several business partners that I'd only ever exchanged calls or e-mails with before. Julie, Cecilia and Gerald seemed a bit overwhelmed, having never gone to one of these before, but they all handled themselves well.
Throughout the day I kept thinking back to what Julie had said about her boyfriend being jealous. It was too much to assume that he was jealous of me though. I'd never really interacted with Julie outside of work before this trip, so why would be jealous? What could she have said about me to cause that reaction? Maybe he was just controlling. My wife certainly didn't feel jealous or threatened by Julie, even though she had every reason to be. My wife had no idea Julie existed.
Nothing of note happened at the conference except that I kept staring at Julie, and she kept catching me doing it. My instinct when caught checking someone out would normally be to avert my eyes; try to play it off like my eyes were just moving anyway and they happened to catch hers for a moment. A completely smooth move that almost certainly doesn't work. Julie and I were friends though, or at least I thought so, and so I smiled at her whenever she caught me staring, and each time she greeted me with a warm smile back.
After the conference I invited the group to dinner at a place near our hotel, then gave my wife a quick call. I let her know I was taking everyone out to dinner and we might go out drinking after, so she'd probably be asleep before I could call again. She told me how much she missed me and how sad she was that I wasn't home. I told her I missed her too and I couldn't wait to be home tomorrow.
Julie and I ordered beer with our meal and Gerald and Cecilia didn't, which came as no surprise. We stayed for a few hours, talking and laughing. I had been the group's manager and was their supervisor on this trip, but I had always treated them more as friends and coworkers than employees. We all got along well and we had a good time. I was even kind of grateful Gerald and Cecilia were there since Julie was distracted throughout the meal. She was sending frequent texts, often sporting a furrowed brow while she did so, but she seemed to be having a good time regardless.
"I was thinking of going to the bar across the street from the hotel after this. You guys interested?" I asked them.
"Thanks, but I better get back to my room. My mom has my son tonight and I want to facetime him before he falls asleep." Cecilia said.
"Aren't you like twelve? Can you even go to bars?" I asked her.
"Shut up." Cecilia said, pushing me playfully.
"I should probably call it a night too." Said Gerald. "Thanks for dinner Joel."
"Don't mention it." I told him. "How about you Julie? You in?" I asked her, sounding as nonchalant as possible.
"Yea, I think so." She said, looking at her phone. "Let me just make a call first. Be right back."
She got up from the table and walked out of the noisy restaurant, her phone to one ear and her hand over the other.
"What time we meeting tomorrow?" Gerald asked.
"Ten sound good?" I suggested.
"Could we do nine?" He asked. "Wanna get home early if possible.
"Yea, that works." I told him, instantly mourning the lost hour of sleep.
"Works for me." Said Cecilia.
"Walk you back?" Gerald asked, gesturing to the door.
"Yea, sure thing." She said cheerfully. They got to the door when Cecilia asked Gerald to wait for a minute and came running back.
"Hey Joel, make smart choices tonight, okay?" She told me, looking concerned.
"I always do." I smiled at her.
"I mean it. I don't know what's going on between you two, but make smart choices." She said seriously.
"Us two?" I asked her.
"Don't play dumb." She said. "You're smarter than that. Don't stay out too late, alright?" Her tone became friendlier with the last sentence.
"Okay mom." I laughed. She caught back up to Gerald and they waved goodbye.
What the fuck was that?
Julie came back in a few minutes later, looking visibly upset.
"Everything cool?" I asked her.
"Yea, it's fine. You ready to go?" She asked, putting on a fake smile.
"I was born ready." I told her. She rolled her eyes at me and we headed out.
We walked the two minutes to the bar mostly in silence. I wanted to grab her hand, throw my arm around her, anything. It felt like the most natural thing in the world. I didn't though. Of course I didn't. We were two platonic coworkers going out for a drink. Platonic coworkers don't hold hands. Besides, she still seemed kinda mad.
The bar was fairly crowded but we were able to find an unoccupied booth in the corner. I asked her to save the table and I went to buy our drinks. I came back with a beer for me and a vodka cran for her.
Julie and I stayed at the bar for a couple hours. She drank a few drinks then switched to water. She seemed to be feeling it, but wasn't crazy drunk. I was in the same spot. A little too much to drive, but not so much that I was out of control.
This was the first time Julie and I had spent an extended time just the two of us, and it went great. I was surprised how natural our conversation was. When my wife and I go out we spend just as much time staring at our phones, if not more, than we do talking to each other. It's like we've ran out of things to say years ago so now every conversation we're just stretching to fill the time. Not so with Julie. We spent hours talking about our childhoods, high school, movies, bands... you name it. The only thing we didn't talk about was our significant others. Eventually though my curiosity got the better of me.
"So how'd the call with your boyfriend go?" I asked her. "You seemed a little upset."
"Not great." She said, in a tone that suggested not great was an understatement. "He can be such an asshole sometimes. He just gets so jealous."
"Jealous? You're just out with your coworkers." I told her.
"Coworker." She corrected.
"Still..." I said
"I know, but he thinks everyone wants to sleep with me." She said.
"Doesn't he know Gerald and I are married?" I asked her.
"Like, to each other?" She joked.
"Yea, to each other. No I mean, doesn't he know you took this trip with two married guys? What's there to get jealous about?" I asked her.
"Yea, but he's been jealous of you for ages." She said flippantly, then seemed a bit embarrassed, as though she'd said something she hadn't meant to.
"Me?" I asked, surprised.
"I think he's threatened by you. It all started when you brought me those CDs. Right away he thought he had you pegged." She said, squinting her eyes. "He's always like that. He thinks the only reason someone would talk to me is because they want to fuck me."
"Flight of the Conchords needs to be heard. I gave Gerald a copy too. I hope his wife doesn't think I want to fuck him." I deflected.
"You never know. He might be on the phone with her now trying to calm her down." She joked. "My boyfriend didn't care much for the fact you lent me those movies either. He doesn't like anything I like, so I don't think he likes that we have some stuff in common or just the way I talk about you." She said, looking away a little. I had the distinct impression I wouldn't be hearing any of this if it weren't for the alcohol.
"I'm sorry." I told her. "I didn't mean to cause problems for you two. I just like to share with people the things I think they'll like."
"Oh I know. It's all in his head. I mean, you're married." She said, then looked me in the eyes like she was trying to read my mind. "It's not like you have a crush on me or anything."
My heart skipped a beat. Was she teasing me? Did she know? I needed to respond. When you're in a conversation with someone and they finish talking, it's expected that you'll respond. It's only polite. No, of course not. Four easy words. Why couldn't I say them?
"I," I started, letting the word hang there for a moment, "need to go to the bathroom." I said, smiling.
"I'll be here." She said, smirking back at me.
I made myself comfortable at a urinal. While I pissed I thought about what I was doing. I'd been all but convinced that I had fallen in love with Julie. Truly, honestly loved her. Probably. I mean, that's what jumped into my head every time I thought of her. I love that girl. Did I though, or was it just attraction and obsession? There was a sadness in her eyes. Were my feelings for her real, or was I just attracted to her beauty and, being honest with myself, her sadness? My ex was depressed and a liar. My wife was depressed. I had wanted to save both of them. I wanted to save Julie. Was she depressed? I didn't even know she was an artist. How could I love her when I don't even really know her?
The answers to those questions would have to wait. I was out of piss.
I went back to Julie and sat down. She was looking at her phone(the first time I'd seen her do so since we'd gotten to the bar), and spotting me she quickly put it back in her pocket.
"I think they're closing up." She said.
"Bummer. You ready to go?" I asked her.
"Yep." She said. "We'll need to close out our tickets."
"I'll get it." I told her.
"I can't let you do that!" She said, putting her hand on my arm.
"Come on. It's my pleasure."
"I had a good time tonight." Julie said, grabbing my arm as we walked across the street. I didn't think she was very drunk, but she put on a show of grabbing my arm for support. Whatever the reason, I liked it.
"Yea it was." I said.
"I haven't had a good night like this in a long time." She said, looking up at me with her big blue eyes.
"Me neither." I told her truthfully.
"Do you want to go swimming?" The question surprised me.
"Swimming?" I asked. "I'm pretty sure the pool's closed."
"Doesn't hurt to look." She said wisely.
We walked across the lobby, nodding to the front desk clerk. I was sure we looked like a couple, her arm around mine, and I liked how that felt. The pool entrance was past a hallway and down a flight of stairs. Once we got there we could see the lights above the pool were off.
"Lame." She said, pouting. "I really wanted to swim." A sign on the door said the pool closed at midnight, and it was now one-thirty. I didn't want to see Julie sad though. I pulled on the door to the pool area and it opened right up.
"Guess it's still open after all." I said, grinning.
"Should we go get our suits?" she asked.
"Yea, we'd better. We'll have to go by the lobby again though. If they see us coming back through he might try to stop us going down." I said.
"You're right. You wearing boxers?" She asked.
"Yea." I said tentatively, liking where this was going.
"Close enough." She grinned and walked in the door.
The lights were off, but the lights in front of the door were on. The wall and door were made of glass, so we were able to see, just not terribly well. Inside was a mid-sized pool, a hot tub, several chairs and a towel station. Anyone looking in from the outside would see us if we weren't in the pool, but once we got in we'd be hidden well enough.
Julie was wearing a purple blouse and dress slacks. I stood in profile to me as she placed her finger tips under her blouse and then pulled it up and over her head, revealing a navy blue bra underneath. She turned to look at me and started unbuttoning her pants.
"You too." She said shyly.
I pulled my shirt up over my head and watched as she kicked off her shoes and pulled her pants down, shimmying them from side to side to get them over her ass. I followed her lead, undoing my belt and removing my slacks.
My boxers were boxer briefs, which left little to the imagination, and she wore black thong panties. The important parts were covered, but we definitely weren't wearing swimsuits. I stood there for a moment taking her in. She was stunning. I knew she had a nice body, but I hadn't really appreciated it before. It wasn't her body I'd been attracted to. I mean, of course it was part of it. If she'd been 200 pounds I doubt I would have gravitated to her the way I did. It was her face though. Her freckles. Her pale skin. The expression in her eyes. The way she smiled. Those are what had drawn me so strongly to her.
Now I was getting the full picture, or much more of it anyway. Her breasts were large for her frame; a large B or a smallish C. Her waist was thin and curved, giving her a modest hourglass figure. As she turned and started towards the pool I got my first glimpse of her ass, which was round and firm. In that moment I thought she looked absolutely perfect.
She sat at the top step of the pool, put one foot in and pulled it back out, yelping as she did so.
"How is it?" I laughed, stepping next to her.
"Cold." She said gravely, looking up at me. I shifted my focus from her breasts to her eyes, not wanting her to realize what I'd been looking at. I took several steps in. The water was cool, but it felt nice.
"It's not so bad." I told her, walking down the steps to stand in the shallow end. The water came up to my chest.
"Liar." She said, flashing a grin.
"Watch." I plugged my nose and submerged myself. The water was cold but refreshing, and I needed to convince her to join me. I opened my eyes under water and experienced the familiar sting of chlorine hitting them. I could see the steps and spotted Julie's feet moving back and forth in the water. I swam over to them, staying submerged, and grabbed one of them. Her foot jerked back and I could her muffled scream and laugh through my water-filled ears. I pushed back up above the water.
"Don't." She said, shooting me a look of mock menace.
"Come on." I laughed. "This was your idea."
"It was a dumb idea."
"It was a very good idea." I sad, smiling. I reached out to her and clasped my hands around hers. She accepted them. Her hands were soft and cool. I walked backwards slowly, leading her into the pool. She followed, cringing with each step as the water reached higher on her body. When her panties were submerged she shrieked.
"How are you not cold?" She asked.
I shrugged, still holding her hands. "You get used to it." I said. Once she was in fully she shrieked again and held her hands out to her sides, above the water.
"Not so bad, right?" I asked.
"It's pretty bad." She laughed. "I am kinda getting used to it though." I began swimming backwards, maintaining eye contact with her.
"Now you just need to go under." I said.
"Yea right. What about my hair?" She asked.
"It will get wet." I said.
"We'll see. Maybe." She said, drawing out the A in maybe.
I gave her a wicked grin and went under the water. I opened my eyes and looked at the beautiful site of Julie's lower half submerged in water. I darted forward, grabbed her legs and began pulling them out from under her. I heard her scream, and then the scream was interrupted as she was pulled under. I reemerged, laughing, as I saw her come up and immediately start wiping the water from her face.
"Oh my god! I cannot believe you just did that! You asshole!" She said, clearly not meaning it. "It's your fault my hair is going to be frizzy tomorrow."
"I think I can live with that." I laughed.
"You are dead." She said, splashing me in the face with an impressively large amount of water over and over again. "Alright, alright!" I laughed, wiping the water from my eyes. Suddenly I felt her launch herself at me and push me backwards. As she did so I grabbed her around the waist, and we both went under water again.
We emerged at the same time, gasping and laughing, our bodies very close.
"You're right. This was a good idea." She said warmly.
"Yea," I agreed. "It was." We stood there for a moment, just staring at each other.
"Let's check out the deep end." She said, swimming off past me.
We swam around for several minutes, touching each other in harmless but meaningful ways. I knew I had an erection, but I was just tipsy enough that I didn't care whether she noticed or not. At some point she put her arms around my neck from behind me and I swam around the shallow end, giving her a ride around the pool. I was cognizant of her breasts and stomach against me, but was more acutely aware of the feeling of her wet hair against my back. Our movements had gone from playful to relaxing and intimate, and I swam with her body against me for several minutes.
Eventually I made my way to one of the walls and, standing against it, turned around. As I did so she shifted to the front of me, her arms still around my neck. I wrapped my arms around her waist and we stood face to face, our bodies pressed together in the water.
"Thank you for this. I'm having a really good time tonight." She said.
"Me too." I told her.
At that moment I wanted nothing more than to kiss her. I had thought of little else but this woman since the moment I'd seen her. It was only through careful planning and persistence that, despite everything, I had found myself in this situation. My obsession up until this point had been harmless enough. I had done no real wrong and had hurt no one. I was able to pursue Julie while at the same time telling myself nothing would come of it. Now I found myself face to face with her, alone, in our underwear. If I crossed the line then my game would stop being a game and people could get hurt.
I don't know if Julie was thinking the same thing, but we stayed there in silence for what felt like a very long time, her body pressed against mine. Eventually she broke eye contact and held her head against my chest.
"You know what I like about you?" She asked in a serene voice.
"What's that?" I asked softly, moving one hand to the back of her head.
"You're nice. You're a nice guy and you seem like you really care about me." She said.
"I do." I told her.
"I know." She said, not looking up. "I don't know why you do, but it means a lot." I rubbed my hand along her cold back, feeling goosebumps along the way.
"Still cold?" I asked her.
"Yea." She said. "I'm not ready to get out though."
"What about the hot tub?" I asked.
"That's a really good idea." She said, looking back up at me. She grabbed me by the hand and led me out of the pool.
As we got out of the water she let go and started shivering. "It's so cold!" She said through quiet laughter. She certainly looked it, standing there shaking and soaked in her underwear.
I was pretty cold myself . I found the controls to the hot tub and turned on the jets. Julie ran quickly to hop in and I followed after her, feeling the sting of the hot water against my freezing skin. We sat across from each other and she laid her feet in my lap. Without giving it any thought I started rubbing them.
"Mmmmm" She moaned, leaning her head back and closing her eyes. Her feet were adorable, just like the rest of her. I am not a foot fetishist by any means, but I love women. Every part of them. Julie frequently wore sandals, and she had a habit of slipping them off at work and pulling her knees up so her feet were on her chair. I had frequently admired them, as I did everything about her, and now I was getting the chance to rub them.
"You're pretty good at that." She smirked.
"I know how to touch a woman." I said, delivering the cheesy line with mock bravado.
"Oh yeah?" She laughed. "How are you with shoulders?"
"Not too bad." I said.
She moved between my legs and turned around, presenting her back to me. I began rubbing her shoulders, applying pressure with my thumbs against her soft, warm skin.
After several minutes she leaned back into my lap and laid her head against my chest. I wrapped my arms around her and held her, placing my forehead against the back of her head.
After a moment she turned and looked up at me. We locked eyes for a moment before closed hers, leaned up and pressed her lips against mine.
In that moment I didn't think about my motivations or whether what I was doing was right or wrong. I didn't think about my wife. All I thought about was Julie and the feeling of her kiss.
We maintained the gentle, closed mouth kiss for several seconds. Then her mouth opened slightly and I followed suit as we kissed again and again. I soon felt her tongue against mine as the passion in our movements increased.
Our kissing became increasingly passionate. Julie turned around and sat on my lap, facing me. I grabbed the back of her head with one hand and her back with the other, and pulled her into me. Her crotch rested on my erection, and by instinct I pushed up against her. She moaned slightly as I did so and pushed back, grinding against me as we kissed.
I allowed one hand to make it's way to the clasp of her bra, which I unhinged with ease. She held her arms out accommodatingly as I pulled it off, revealing the cutest pink nipples underneath. Her breasts were full and perky, with a sizable gap between the two. I leaned her back and took her right nipple into my mouth, sucking gently and rolling over her nipple with my tongue. She gasped and grabbed the back of my head, pulling me further into her bosom. I moved my head then to her left breast and repeated the motions, cupping her right breast with one hand as I supported her with another.
"Oh Joel..." She moaned as I continued stimulating her, her pelvis grinding against mine. Our eyes me. I gave her nipple one last kiss then moved again to her lips. She kissed me lustily as I picked her up and placed her outside the hot tub, her feet dangling in. I slipped both hands into the sides of her panties and pulled them down. It was a struggle due to how wet they were, but she assisted me by first lifting her ass then holding out her legs as I slipped the wet knickers from her.
I wasted no time in grabbing Julie's ass and pulling her right up to the edge of the hot tub. Her legs draped over my shoulders as I buried myself in her bare pussy, licking up from her entrance and finding her clit.
"Oh god." She said with a heavy breath, grabbing me by the hair. I rubbed my tongue slowly and gently over her clit in up and down motions. Julie struggled to keep her voice down, which was an incredible turn-on for me.
I began applying pressure with my tongue, eliciting a deeper moan. As I pushed my tongue left and right over her clit she clenched her eyes tighter and pulled my head into her. I kept at this for several minutes as she gyrated and moaned. My nose was shoved into her pelvis, making it difficult to breath. I took short breaths through my mouth as able, not wanting to interrupt what was clearly working.
"Ohhhhh." She moaned in her soft voice, a look of sharp concentration on her face. "Oh yes." I kept up the pace as she quivered with pleasure, her fingers digging into my hair. As her orgasm subsided I let up the pressure but continued slowly and softly rubbing my tongue up and down her slit for another minute, enjoying the taste of her.
Julie lay propped back on her elbows, her eyes closed, her breathing labored. I reached into the water, cupped some in my hand and wiped off my mouth. She took in a deep breath, let it out and opened her eyes.
"Oh wow." She said, her eyes wide. She slid forward and entered the hot tub, putting her arms around my neck. She kissed me again, passionately, her naked body in my arms. She broke off the kiss and looked me in the eyes.
"I want you." She said with pleading eyes. Oh God. I love her. Our lips met again as we kissed each other hungrily. "I want you. I want you. I want you." She said desperately between kisses. A smooth hand reached into my boxers and wrapped itself around my member, sending a jolt through me. She stroked it as her tongue circled mine. I reached my hands under the elastic and pushed my boxers off, freeing my cock from its restraint.
I lifted Julie up as she wrapped her arms and legs around me. I grabbed hold of my erection and rubbed it against her pussy, eliciting a moan.
"Hello?" Someone yelled from outside the pool area.
"Shit!" Julie said, climbing off me. "Underwear."
Her bra and my boxers were found in the water; her panties on the edge of the tub. I struggled to get my boxers on as the hotel clerk entered, shining a flashlight at the pool.
"Anyone in here?" He asked, shining the flashlight our way.
"Hi." I said, my boxers now on. Julie had her back to him as she struggled with her bra.
"The pool's closed." He said. "You guys can't be in here."
"Oh sorry." I said, hoping to sound sincere and not incredibly fucking frustrated. "We had no idea."
"Alright, well you guys should probably head back to your rooms." He said, moving the flashlight from me to the back of Julie's head. She had her bra on but had gone low in the water, keeping her face down.
"Of course." I said. "Mind giving us a second?"
"Sure thing." He smirked. "Just hurry up." He turned off the flashlight and walked back out.
Julie grabbed her panties and put them on under water. I grabbed us a couple towels. I gave her one and we got our things. We wrapped the towels around ourselves and exited the pool area, neither of us saying a thing.
"Have a good night." The clerk called out smugly as we made our way to the elevator. When we got inside we both laughed awkwardly.
"Do you think he saw anything?" Julie asked.
"No." I told her. "But I think he got the idea."
"That was really close." She said nervously. I wasn't sure if she meant us getting caught having sex or us actually having sex. She could have meant 'That was really close. You almost put it in me in water. My god man, the friction!' I'll never know.
The elevator opened up and we walked the few steps to our rooms.
"This is us." I said, stepping up to the door to my room.
"This is us." She agreed, leaning against the door to her room and smiling at me.
"So..." I said, unsure if the interruption had forced reality on us.
"My room or yours?" She asked cheekily. I held the door open to my room and she walked in past me, hugging her towel tight.
"I'm still so cold." She said, shivering.
I let the door close behind me. I approached her from behind, pinned her against the wall and started kissing her neck. Her towel fell to the floor, where our clothes soon joined it. I picked her up and threw her on the bed. She shrieked as she hit the mattress, her breasts shaking with the impact. I climbed atop her, kissing her, my hand confirming her wetness.
"Oh yes." She breathed into my ear, sending a shiver through me. I slipped a finger inside her and then used the wetness to massage her clit. She grabbed my ass and started pulling up towards her face while making needy noises. I got the hint and moved up her body, placing my cock in front of her face. She leaned her head up and took me in her mouth, one hand on my pole and another grabbing my ass. I released an audible sigh of pleasure as she licked the head of my cock, circling it with her tongue.
As great as this felt I figured her primary motivation was lubrication. We had been interrupted, and it was time to finish what we'd started. I moved back down and placed my cock at her entrance.
"I've wanted this for a long time." I told her, rubbing against her moisture.
"Me too." She said breathily, desire in her eyes.
I pushed gently into her, feeling her warmth. I moved slowly due to her tightness, moving gently out and back into her as she enveloped more and more of me. Her noises encouraged me as I applied more pressure, until eventually I felt her open to me and my full length was buried in her. As I did so Julie cooed and wrapped her arms around me, holding me tight against her. I lay still fully within her for a moment, filling her up, before I started slowly pumping. I locked eyes with her as she gazed sweetly into mine, drawing me in to kiss her. I held Julie's hand in my left; my right hand cradled her head.
Julie and I weren't fucking. We were making love. Thoughts of my wife came to me briefly and were quickly replaced. There would be time to think about the fallout later. Nothing would distract me from the bliss I was experiencing.
Several minutes later Julie flipped me over and climbed atop me. When I think back on that night, this is the image I most cherish: Julie astride me, biting her bottom lip, her back curved, tits bouncing with her movements inches above my face. I my hands explored her breasts and ass and pinched her nipples slightly as she rode me. Eventually she closed her eyes and pushed all her weight down upon my cock. I met her pressure as she ground back and forth on top of me, driving her to an incredibly intense orgasm. She allowed her cries of ecstasy to be louder than they'd been near the pool, and I nearly came then before she collapsed atop me.
I pet her head as she breathed heavily against my chest. I moved in and out of her slowly, never fully exiting her. After a minute of this I sat the two of us up and moved us to the end of the bed, so my legs were off the end onto the floor and I sat on the edge, her in my lap facing me with my cock still inside her.
I had no idea if Julie could cum again, but I wanted to find out. She hugged me tightly as I placed my hands on her ass and moved her up and down my pole. Her perky tits were pressed against my chest as I pressed my lips to hers. She began taking charge again, moving up and down at a quicker pace. This nearly sent me over the edge, but Julie was close to another orgasm. I tried to let my mind wander to give me more time, but it was no use. Thankfully Julie began cumming as I did, digging her claws into my back as I came inside her.
I fell backwards onto the bed and Julie collapsed atop me. We lay that way for several minutes, my cock still inside her as I pet her head on my chest.
"Joel?" She said in a quiet voice.
"Yea Jules?" I said, the nickname coming out of my mouth unexpectedly.
"I think I falling in love with you." She said, sounding as though she were about to sob. "Is that crazy?"
That was unexpected. The word love had popped into my head much too frequently when I thought about Julie, but it had been a crush that turned into an obsession; not love. This trip was the first time we'd even interacted outside of work. It wasn't possible that I could have loved her before tonight. I knew I did though. Whatever it was that had drawn us together had been real and powerful, and I knew how I felt about her. I had known for months.
"I love you." I told her. "It might be crazy. I know that, but it's true. I knew I'd love you the first time I saw you."
Julie turned then to look at me and there were tears forming in her eyes. She kissed me then, first soft and romantically, then with desperation. We kissed as though we knew we might lose each other, and we needed desperately for that not to happen. Julie never broke into a sob but several tears flowed down her cheeks. Astonishingly my dick, which had never fully gone soft inside her, became hard once more. I assumed we were done, but Julie responded to this by sliding her pussy up and down my cock, never once breaking our kiss. Julie still felt wet, although how much of that was my own juices I didn't know.
Within three minutes I had cum again. She moaned with each spasm of my cock, and when I finished she fell again against me.
"Wow." I said, rubbing her back.
"Wow." She agreed, a smile in her voice. The tears had stopped and she sounded happy and exhausted. "Shower?"
We stayed in the shower longer than we needed to, spending more time holding each other than we did washing off. Afterward Julie asked if she could sleep with me the rest of the night.
"I'd just assumed you would." I said.
"Let me get my pajamas." She said, smiling. Julie walked to the door that separated the two rooms.
"Won't that be locked?" I asked her. The door hid a second door, as each room has a door and a lock that leads into the other one. Both people need to unlock the door from their side for the entrance to open.
"No." She said. "I unlocked it last night." Julie entered her room, a towel wrapped around her. I took the opportunity to check my phone. Three messages from my wife. The first one checking in, the next bugged I hadn't written back and a third passive-aggressively wishing me a good night. I quickly shot off an apology text and said I drank too much, I loved her and said my goodnights. Julie returned in pajama bottoms and a Spongebob Squarepants tank top. She looked adorable.
She plugged her phone charger into the wall and set her alarm for the next morning. She took several pills, which I didn't ask about, and then cuddled up beside me. I turned out the lights and wrapped my arm around her.
"We have to be up so early." She whined. "This isn't enough time together."
"No." I said solemnly. "It isn't. So why'd you unlock the door between our rooms?"
"When you asked me last night if I wanted to talk, I wanted to say yes. I was so upset and you were being so sweet. I wanted to see you. I unlocked the door and even put a bra on. I had the text written. I just got nervous." She said.
"I would have come over. I wanted to." I said.
"I know. That's why I was nervous." She said lightheartedly. "I wish you had though. We could have had two nights together."
"If only. This was perfect though." I said, rubbing her arms.
"Yea it was, wasn't it?" She turned around to face me in the dark. "I love you. No matter what happens, I don't regret tonight."
"I love you too." I said, her lips finding mine in the dark. ---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
The trip back was uneventful. Gerald sat in front with me, leaving Julie and I only able to exchange smiles in the rear view mirror. If Cecilia was suspicious about how we spent our night together, she didn't say anything.
I had a long time to think about things during the 6-hour trip. I love my wife and I love Julie. Both things are true. I can picture myself much happier with Julie than I am with Debbie, but I have no way of knowing if that would be true. Julie is much more than my obsession now. She's a flesh and blood person, and people have flaws. There's no way of knowing if I left Debbie if I wouldn't be in this exact same position with Julie years down the line, if we even made it that far. I'd have to consider that. I don't want to throw away what Debbie and I have just to chase a fantasy.
Julie isn't a fantasy any longer though. We had a beautiful night together. What consequences will come from that I don't yet know, but I'm hoping I have time to figure everything out.
The only thing I know for sure is that I can't end things with Julie yet. Not as they're just getting started.
Jul 15, 2018 in romance